It's going well. So why doesn't it feel that way?
Mentor for men who want to learn what nobody taught them.

I listen and walk a stretch with you, for as long as you want.

20 minutes, free. I mostly listen and you decide at the end.

Maybe you recognise this.

On paper everything works: work, friends, partner, routine. Still it feels like you should be further along by now, and somewhere along the way you've lost people. Maybe you've already tried all sorts of things: a protocol, a course, a so-called transformation. It helped for a while, and sometimes you felt emptier afterwards than before. I get that it feels as if you're the only one. You're not.

It's not a personal failure. Many of us learned to be strong, to show nothing and to solve everything alone. When things go badly, the men around us do what they learned: they distract and make jokes. That helps for an evening. After that you're alone again, and nobody really asked how you are.

Where you can start

Free

A conversation

20 minutes, by phone or video. I listen and I don't sell anything.

Book a conversation

An open walk for men

On Saturday mornings, in Antwerp, with up to 8 men. You come, you walk along, you talk or you stay quiet. Nothing to prepare, nothing to sell, and nobody expects you to say anything clever.

Paid, separate

A one-on-one session

60 minutes, booked one at a time. You choose a regular price or a lower supported price, no package.

Book a session

How I work

Free stays free.

A conversation and an open walk cost nothing, and I don't sell anything in them.

No and "not yet" are normal answers.

At the end you decide. If you say not yet, we agree on a date when I'll write to you once. After that I leave it.

You always hear in advance what costs money.

The price is on the service page, with a supported price and a regular price. No deadlines, no last spots.

I'm not a psychologist.

If something fits a professional better, I'll say so and we'll look for someone together.

I'm still learning too. See something I'm missing, or something that isn't right? Tell me, anonymously if you like. Feedback form →

Who this is not for

This is not for you if you:

are looking for a guru who tells you what to do, or a trick to influence or seduce others;
don't want to look at yourself and put the blame on others, or excuse your behaviour with "that's just how I am" or "that's how a man is supposed to be";
want to put others down, women, LGBTQIA+ people or other men, to feel bigger yourself.

Are you in acute distress, or do you need therapy? Then you need more than a mentor. I'll help you look for someone who can help. See also Need help?

Anyone who calls themselves a man is welcome, whatever your background, origin or sexual orientation.

Not sure whether this is for you? Just talk. A conversation costs nothing.

Already thinking differently?

Maybe you don't want to be the kind of man who makes himself big at the expense of others, and you wonder what there is instead. You read about it, or you talk about it with your partner or a friend, but you miss men you can do that with without it staying at jokes and posturing. I'm looking for that myself. Read along in the newsletter, join Manuscript, the book club for men, or read how I think about it on Where I stand.

Why I do this

I was looking for validation. The hard stories about what a real man is promised it: be the boss, show no emotions, keep everything under control. I recognised the need, not the answer. Nobody teaches us what to do with our pain, so an answer like that sounds convincing, until you notice it's empty.

I didn't go along with it. At home I learned how to treat people, with respect, with women, with friends, in a relationship, and that didn't fit those stories. I didn't want to become a man who uses others to feel better about himself. That choice is why I do this work.

Read my whole story →